Sins of the Daughter - Part 2 - The days

Day 6 - 6/20/11


   One more day and I am overwhelmed with sadness and loss.  When I walk into my Mom's home, I hear her yelling in her room.  Her caretaker's told us she had a rough night, hadn't slept and pulled her colostomy bag and diaper off during the night.   My aunt and I take off for awhile and come back a few hours later.
   She is still agitated, yelling, fidgeting. This just might be the last time I'll get to see her as we have to get to the airport tomorrow morning and we're not sure of the timing and her wakefulness.  I walk into her room, lay down next to her and look into her eyes.  " You're taking me home,  " she says to me.  I answer her, "  Sorry, Mom, I can't do that. "
   She continues yelling, telling me that people are watching her, trying to hurt her.  I take her hand and look into her eyes.  " No one will hurt you, Mom.  Not while we're here, " I tell her.  " It's O.K. "
   I begin to understand her frustration, although I know I can never fully comprehend what she's feeling inside.  I see she's fighting, struggling against some unknown demon, trapped beyond anything that can be contained within her room, her world, her being.  I tell her how sorry I am that she has to go through this, that she needs to stop fighting, that there's nothing left to fight.  " Please, " she tells me,  " Make it stop. "
   I tell her I can't, I can't do anything except love her and see her now, understand how much she's struggled and never forget all she's done in this life.  I tell her she's done good, did everything she set out to do, left a trail of broken hearts and souls filled with happiness and honor.  Again, I tell her how proud she should be, how lucky we all are to have had her with us.  She asked me if I see her.  I tell her yes.  She asks again,
" See me inside? "  Yes, I tell her.  I see all of you. She tells me she can tell.  She sees me, too.