Day 4 - 6/18/11
It just hit me that our days together are numbered. I am going back back home in 3 days and I almost can't bear the thought of leaving her. This has been the first and only time I've ever felt a connection to my mother and I feel as if I have to condense 55 years of emotions and communication into these few short days. I know she sees me, feels me, knows how my love for her has transcended all else, but still, there is so much I need for her to hear.
Another rough night for her; agitated, delusional, yelling. I was prepared for the worst, but again, when I came in her room and laid down next to her and looked into her eyes, she smiled and greeting me by name. " Hi Mom," I said to her smiling. " How do you feel today? " Still looking into my eyes, she asked, " Now? " I responded, " Yes, right now. " She answered, " Safe now. "
There's something about the way she stares into my eyes, a searching, trying to hold on to something, anything that makes her strange new world familiar. Still looking back at her, I told her that this, here, now, was what I've been waiting for my whole life, to see into each other's souls and know it was all worthwhile. I told her I see her, I know her, that I'm so proud of all that she's done, all that she is. I noticed a tear running down her face and wiped it with a tissue. " You o.k. Mom? " I asked her. " Proud " she responded.
I asked her if there was anything I could do for her. She answered, " Yes. Take me home. I'm done here."
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